Quickly falling sand

Why is it that time passes so quickly? I remember when I was 5 and time seemed to last forever. An hour felt like a year, a minute like an hour and a year felt infinite. When did time start to speed up?

My life is not what I pictured it to be. According to my plans I would be at a 9 to 5 job working my life away not enjoying true life until I retired. But just to show you life threw me a bone. Instead of my life falling into place it did everything but... I followed a major that I thought would add prestige and money to my life. But instead it has offered me an ever present excuse for not getting a job. If I haven't made it clear before, I live with my mom and visit my dad. Both have fought over me and I have usually been the go-between. So perhaps it was guilt that let them not say anything or maybe they just didn't want to let go of me.

Thanks to my dad I've had an education of being a travel agent. So far I have planned family trips to Florida, Italy, Japan, and China. So I have gotten to know a good chunk of the world and it's addicting.

Thanks to my mom I have learned how to manage a household. It's hard and sometimes you want to escape which is why the world is so addicting. But thanks to both of them I have learned the true power of cash. Cold hard cash can bring happiness and satisfaction and I crave it... but I haven't gotten it.

It's scary to admit that two years have passed since I left college. And I have nothing to show for it. At first my excuse was that I needed time off since I've been in the educational system for over 19 years. I started school at 4 and didn't have a proper vacation since I entered college meaning every summer I took summer classes.

So for a year I was suppose to get my life together. I was suppose to get a real vacation then go back to the corporate world like I didn't taste freedom. But I was better at being home and people needed me and I got into the habit of being helpful. It was good and I felt like I had a purpose until I got injured and I was out of everyone's lives for three weeks. In those 3 weeks my life changed without my knowing and now it's like I have to either sink or swim.

Time has finally caught up with me and I know that it's a possessing demon but I have to learn to live with it or it will torment me forever. But in it's evil way it has made my days shorter. Things I want to accomplish I can't because time slips between my fingers like sand and I can't hold on so everything is pushed to the next day and the next until finally all I can do is watch it forward itself without me being able to do anything.

Why is it at this time that everyone feels they must push me in the right direction but then let go and say okay I gave you a shove now the rest is up to you. But the thing is I still next their invisible hand guiding me because I feel lost without it.

Case in point I want to go back to school but don't have the finances. My mother says she will support me but yet fails to give me the paper work so I can get financial aid. My father tells me to go after the job my brother is applying for without first considering whether I am capable of such labor.

In other words everyone is throwing me a bone and I can't catch all of them. This is the beginning of stress and the edge of reason. I have to get my priorities together but when I try, something gets in my way like saying I know you have to do something but I'm gonna try my best to stop you.

When will life give me a chance? Haven't I been troubled enough in life that I need to continually suffer? When will time slow down a bit so I can catch up with it and use it to my advantage... when?